Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize