Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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