She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
