Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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