you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
