Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's shark week go big or go home
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
