I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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