Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
