my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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