fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
