Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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