Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
