It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
