its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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