she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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