just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
