then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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