Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize