all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
