I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
