oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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