her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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