Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone came in the potted fern
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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