We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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