Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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