so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
