My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
