Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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