what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
