no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
