i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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