I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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