shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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