super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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