ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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