I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
