Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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