please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
