Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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