Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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