Say something about gay babies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
