Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
