8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Good dick will make you do a lot of thingsā¦ Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
