Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
