my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
