What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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