woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
