I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my poor anus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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