my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize