dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
