I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
