She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
