So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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