I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are two peas in an std pod
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
