I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize