his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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