just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
