I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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