I looked at my own cervix.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
