I have demons in me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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