SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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