I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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