I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
