I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
